The usual keyboardist for the 11:00 Mass was unavailable today, and her sub asked me if I would cantor. "Sure thing," I told her, but I had forgotten that singing for 11 is an adventure.
If I cantor for the early Mass, it's the keyboardist and me and a few junior high girls. Sometimes this presents its own challenges, but it's not like 11. At 11, see, we have The Guys.
Guy #1, whom we will call Elroy, always wanted to play in a band. For his entire life, he wanted to be a rock-and-roll guitarist. About 20 years ago he started playing electric guitar at church, and he's still at it.
Elroy requires some managing. One night I was at a rehearsal where a previous director said to him, "Elroy, I like all of the notes you are playing, but I would like you to play about half of them." His mission is to add in some instrumental padding around the other instruments and voices, but I have to say that the effect is occasionally...memorable. First off, no shade to Elroy, but the vibe is something like Mark Knopfler Turns His Hand To Liturgical Music. Imagine the Sanctus with some of those electric guitar adornments from Sultans of Swing. NOW imagine that Mark Knopfler vibe, only cranked up to 11.
Picture the keyboardist slipping back to the sound board between songs, dialing down the electric guitar and turning up the voices. The effectiveness of this strategy is limited, however, because Elroy's guitar has its own volume control.
Guy #2 is a drummer and I don't know his name. I've rehearsed with him once before, but the guy in charge on that day was bossier than the keyboardist running things today. And Guy #2, my friends -- he drums from his HEART.
The problem with drumming from your HEART is that your particular heart may or may not be pulsing in time with the keyboardist's tempo, and you might find yourself floating in a figurative sea of drumbeats, rat-a-tat-tatting for the glory of God, except regrettably disconnected from the beat that the rest of the ensemble is attempting to maintain.
Guy #3 is a quiet competent bassist who does not contribute in any way to the mayhem, but he does add to the Wall of Imposing Dudeliness vibe happening in the choir corner at 11:00 Mass.
Complicating Factor #1: the keyboardist had selected two unfamiliar songs, one of which has a ton of syncopation. Complicating Factor #2: another vocalist showed up 15 minutes before Mass, not having rehearsed any of the music.
It was mostly fine, even though the disaster potential was high. The super-syncopated brand-new song was the meditation hymn, and I think the drummer must have been experiencing some profound communion with God that distracted him from keeping time in a recognizable way. Elroy was undaunted by the rhythmic anomalies, and he carried on with his heavily amplified embellishments. That one was definitely a little ragged. But thankfully, it was also temporary.
I hope the next time I get called to sub it's for the early Mass.
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