I think I'm going to go to a Zumba class tonight.
I used to be a pretty regular fitness class attendee. Mostly I opted for the Pilates/yoga/strength-building kinds of classes, but I would hit a Zumba class or one of its cousins every few months.
If you go every week or two, rather than every few months, you learn the combinations. People had favorite songs; they would come to class with the sequences of movements already mastered. The downside to being an occasional Zumba-er was that I was always starting from scratch. And I could hang in there for a while, but always -- ALWAYS -- I would get about 45 minutes into a 60-minute class and I would just be done. My brain was maxed out on learning how to put new movements in a row.
Once I went to a kickboxing class, you guys, and it was hilariously bad. Part of the issue was that I didn't have much practice with the things I was supposed to be sequencing -- my jab looked suspiciously like my hook, for instance. Part of the issue was that the teacher was not a good fit for me. I think she was trying to sound tough and imposing, but it felt like she was just screaming at us the whole time. The music was thumping, the instructor was shrieking, and then my brain, as usual, hit its shutoff point.
I was okay with this situation. I was just going to stay in my spot unobtrusively, with the goals of keeping my heartrate up and neither clobbering nor being clobbered by my neighbors. But then the teacher decided that I needed extra assistance and came over next to me. "CROSS," she bellowed, and I attempted to comply. "NO," she howled in response to my uppercut or jab or -- let's be honest here -- some maneuver that looked less like a punch and more like Jamie-wearily-fending-off-a-wayward-grocery-cart, "LEFT CROSS." I could sort of imitate her when she was right next to me, but I did not really want the one-on-one tutelage and I absolutely did not want to be the center of attention.
It made for a long 15 minutes, during which I determined that I would probably not be attending any future kickboxing classes.
Let us hope that tonight's Zumba instructor is a mellower sort.
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