I am writing this post with my feet propped up on the coffee table, next to a big jar of protein powder that landed on my front porch this evening.
I fear I have wandered deep into Bro Madness territory now, and if I am not careful I will start sporting tank tops in February (sun's out, guns out!), spouting pseudoscience, and sprouting tattoos of my squat PRs.
But it turns that occasionally, just occasionally, the Beefy Buff Bros are onto something. It is hard to eat the amount of protein that's recommended to optimize gains (oh gracious, I just used the word "gains" in a blog post and I wasn't even joking), and I'm enjoying the gains (twice -- I did it twice in one sentence).
Well, okay: about 85% of me is enjoying the gains (oops, that's three) and 15% of me remains a little ambivalent.
An illustration, if you are not weary of these posts in which my current fitness regime collides with decades of messaging about what's attractive: I was in the bathroom, preparing to jump in the shower, when I caught sight of my shoulder in profile. "Oh, ugh," I thought to myself, "look at that back fat." I took a closer look, and said to myself, "Hold on, fat deposits do not usually end in a tidy visible line running obliquely across the scapula. I think what you mean is 'Look at those REAR DELTS.'"
I have been working for those rear delts, my friends. I do rear delt flies at the very end of my Day 2 workout and they always hurt. I always think about skipping the last set, because they are painful, but I keep at it until all three sets are done. AND LO, now I have an unfamiliar bulge on my shoulder. It's a good bulge, a hard-earned bulge. But dang, I have absorbed a lot of BULGES ARE BAD bunk across the past 51 years.
I am thinking about the gym bros who walked up to Joe over the summer and said, "Dude, you're looking big," fully intending it as a compliment. What would I do if someone walked up and said that to me? My inclination might be to drop a 2-pound jar of protein powder on their toe. But hey, if you're going to eat the Bro Diet you might need to speak the Bro Lingo.
I will continue to provide you with periodic anthropological updates from the weight room-- and, apparently, from the kitchen too.
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