An introduction

My second child, my 21-year-old, identifies as trans and has asked me to write a post about it.

I've had a post in my drafts folder for a while now. I began it after a longtime reader told me in January she didn't think she'd be back to my blog again, in a comment she larded with anti-trans sentiment. 

We seem to be stuck in a bad spiral in the church, in which the bishops keep saying things to the LGBTQ community that sound like they don't actually know very many LGBTQ people, and LGBTQ people keep leaving the church, which means the bishops have fewer opportunities to know LGBTQ people.

So I want to tell you a little about a saint who has become dear to me over the months that this has been unfolding, in preparation for telling you more about the trans person who is dearest to me.

St. Euphrosyne of Alexandria lived in the fifth century. As a young woman she left home to avoid getting married. She dressed as a man and entered a monastery full of men, and she lived there under the name Smaragdus for the next 38 years. You can read more about her story and her eventual reconciliation with her father here, if you'd like.

I think the story of St. Euphrosyne tells us some things that Catholics might do well to remember here in the 21st century: first and most importantly, that a person can live a holy life while presenting as a different gender. St. Euphrosyne's defiance of the gender norms of her day did not prevent her from being canonized and venerated. And second, a person can live a holy life that is not at all the life her parents expected her to live. 

My 21-year-old has asked to be called Marie on the blog, and so that's what I'm going to do. Not long after Marie came out, I saw a Facebook discussion in a group for Catholic women about how to handle an acquaintance's request for a new name and pronouns. It was discouraging to see the number of responses saying "The most loving choice is to ignore their request because it's obviously disordered!" I commented with the story of St. Euphrosyne, only to be told that it wasn't relevant in the present day. 

In a world where too many Catholics assume that transgender identity equals libertinism, I think it's important for us to figure out pastoral responses to people who are both Catholic and transgender. Marie texts me to effuse about her favorite canticles in the Liturgy of the Hours, and may wind up with a Psalm 110 tattoo one of these days out of a particular fondness for Sunday Evening Prayer II, and attends a Catholic Bible study faithfully, and believes wholeheartedly in the Real Presence. And yet she remains uncertain about whether there is a place for her in the Catholic Church.

My biggest worry about posting on this topic was the comments it might attract, and the harm they might cause. My usual comment policy is that debate is welcome as long as it's reasonably courteous, but the standard is different for this post because my children will be following this conversation. There's plenty to discuss as the Church figures out what its response to the transgender community will look like, but this is not a post about hypotheticals. It is a post about a real person who loves Our Lord, and his Bride the Church, and who also wants to be called Marie in this space.