I am feeling calmer this week, with some thoughts I want to remember. Thought #1: anticipatory anxiety is almost always worse than being in the middle of things. Last week I just wasn't remembering how much I enjoy teaching and interacting with students. It's been a balm this week to have some synchronous classes and to see my colleagues again -- even if everybody does seem frayed around the edges. I love my subject; I love sharing it with students. My department is a good place to be. Those things are true even where there is a pandemic and [gestures wildly at the outside world] and [alludes very vaguely to department stuff].
Thought #2: caffeine is sneaky. I get in a bad cycle sometimes, in which an extra cup of coffee seems like it would help me to feel a little perkier but then it disturbs my sleep, leading to more coffee the next day. I can handle the occasional extra cup of coffee, but a string of extra-cup days inevitably ratchets my anxiety up to 11. There's enough of a lag, though, that I always find myself saying "WHY AM I SO ANXIOUS I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS IS TERRIBLE."
Thought #3: there is something to be said for anticipatory pleasures to offset anticipatory anxiety. I bought a lovely set of washi tape on sale from the Washi Tape Shop, and I enjoyed the whole process immensely: the choosing, and the waiting, and the opening of the pretty little box covered in Japanese characters, and the sticking-down of the first piece.
Thought #4: there is also something to be said for crafting as stress relief. Here is the pandemic blanket in its current state:
It spent the summer and the fall on hiatus because that is a lot of wool to pile in one's lap, but I am moving along on it again now here in the bleak midwinter. I would like it to be as long as I am, more or less, because I can only nap under it in the fetal position right now. I prefer to stretch out a little more and have warm feet when I am napping.
Back in early May I posted that I had just attended my last department meeting until February 2021, and wondered what the world would look like then. I can't answer that question quite yet (this January department meeting was added to the schedule because of all the stuff we have to work through), but I would not have predicted very many of the events that have transpired across the past eight months. So! Who knows what tomorrow brings in a world where few hearts survive?
(This 80s flashback brought to you by our family game of Name That Tune, which inspired much hilarity and nostalgia this evening. What does that line mean, anyway? Lots of dead hearts wandering around in living bodies? Most people die but some can become -- I don't know -- zombies whose hearts do survive? I thought the song was The Best in 1982 but it has lost much of its charm in the intervening 38 years.)
Also if you need a little stress-busting dance around your living room, this song is popular at our house right now. I have not listened closely to the lyrics but I feel that "más queso" is a sentiment most of us can get behind while dancing stress-bustingly:
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