Maybe not what the Boy Scouts had in mind

In May of last year I wrote a post about driving older cars as a form of voluntary poverty. It must have been around that same time that our van started making bad noises. The power steering system had developed a leak, and fixing it would cost something like a thousand dollars. We were not about to put a thousand dollars into a 2008 van in the interest of keeping it quiet, so instead we have been topping up the power steering fluid as needed.

We had thought we would replace the van last fall, but then came The Troubles. We have pretty much left The Troubles behind us, we hope, but they were expensive. We could have bought a much nicer van with the money we sank into The Troubles, it turns out. Instead here we are, limping along with the 2008 van that requires continued infusions of power steering fluid and patience.

Yesterday I was driving the van down the main drag when there was an awful BANG underneath me. I assumed it was a tire blowout and I turned off onto a side street immediately. But all four tires were intact, and under the hood nothing was on fire or showing obvious signs of demonic possession, and there were no warning lights on the dash. Still, I turned around immediately and drove home very gingerly. Google suggested that the van had backfired, perhaps because its catalytic converter had failed. 

This does not seem optimal to me. Have you ever been in a backfiring vehicle? I mean, we've all heard them at some point, but I am here to tell you that it is a most alarming noise when you are right on top of it. Also the rear doors only close if you remind them very firmly that closing when they are open is one of the two things they are required to do. They're not always enthusiastic about opening when they are closed, either, which puts them at 0 for 2. AND, as if that weren't annoying enough, the tailgate latch has decided that early retirement sounds like a good idea, with the result that the tailgate sometimes opens spontaneously while I am driving.

We hardly ever drove the van while Elwood was working at home, but now that he has returned to the office we are using both vehicles again. And the van is not long for this world.

Tonight Pete was working on his Personal Management badge for Boy Scouts and he asked us about a major purchase our family might like to make in the next 3 months. "A van!!!" I said, with every one of those exclamation points clearly audible.

"How can we save enough money to make this purchase?" he read from his workbook.

"I can SET THE OLD VAN ON FIRE IN THE DRIVEWAY," I said. "I'm not sure how that would actually generate money in our savings account, but it would make me feel so much better that it ought to count for something." (Teaching our children financial and environmental responsibility, that's me!)

"Oh!" Elwood said brightly. "Insurance fraud!"

I do not know if these pixels on this page can convey how funny it was for my Eagle Scout husband to faux-counsel his would-be-Eagle-Scout son that insurance fraud was a winning strategy he could share with his merit badge counselor, but oh, did we all burst out laughing.

Comments

[Ariella]

I find it very funny indeed. But of course I work for an insurance company, so insurance fraud jokes are de rigeur around here. 😁

[Ann]

As the owner of 1999 Lincoln town car (such a solid first vehicle for new drivers!), I so understand the point of diminishing return with it. So today I am dragging my younger son to Long Island to look at a used car. A 2017 feels positively decadent!

[Kellie]

I read that Hertz will be selling off a large number of vehicles as it deals with bankruptcy...so maybe there'll be a good deal? Or maybe the models will be too new for the prices to fit voluntary automotive poverty? Either way, just a mention.

I bet you all would find a creative strategy for insurance fraud if you did commit to it, though. Or at least have fun calculating how many Mentos you would need to get into the gas tank, and how much Diet Coke to pour in, before you hit insurance-claim status, or something like that.

[Pippi]

My friends' old, old car was limping along and they were looking at using it for the Scrap It program we have here to get a new electric vehicle. But you don't get much money for Scrap It and you have to buy a new car at a dealer. They had just found the perfect EV on Craigslist and were contemplating just giving up the Scrap It money when someone literally tore down their street high on heroin and destroyed several cars -- including their junker. No one was hurt, the person was caught (he was also uninjured, thank goodness), and they're getting a nice check from the insurance that will cover the car they found on Craigslist. It sounds like a fraud story, but it actually happened! So maybe something similar, though less dramatic and minus the heroin, will happen to your car? A freak storm that leaves everything else unscathed? A rotten tree branch that falls in just the right place? Maybe start parking under sketchy tree branches just in case. Seriously, though, I hope you get your new van and that it isn't too painful.