In the summer it is very dangerous for people to get overheated. Wearing extra clothing makes me feel overheated. So you know, even if the grocery store says I have to wear pants to protect the other customers [from the blinding whiteness of my shelter-in-place legs], I think that's ridiculous. They can't tell me what to do with my own body.
When I wear pants in public I feel so stifled. I just can't stand it. All my children felt this way, with the knowledge of deep and universal truth that they had in those days when they were filled with the innate wisdom of toddlerhood. When they wanted to go outside with no pants on I told them, "That's exactly right, honey. Off you go outdoors with that naked bottom. I'm your mom and it's my job to teach you to be true to yourself." WHY DOESN'T THE KROGER MANAGER CARE IF I AM BEING TRUE TO MYSELF?
You know how you button up a pair of pants that was a little snug before March hit and now after all the endless stress-eating of the lockdown they're far beyond snug and suddenly there you are at the grocery being asphyxiated by your pants? I mean, what option is there but to drop them and be free, right there in the produce aisle? Those "public health" folks just want people to get asphyxiated; I always knew it.
Also, body language is an extremely important part of human communication, and unless they can see my knees people will not be able to tell who I really am. I know this is true because Hercule Poirot said it in Cat Among the Pigeons, and he knows more than a bunch of dumb scientists who hate freedom. Therefore Hercule Poirot does not think I should wear pants in public.
All this nonsense about wearing extra clothing out of consideration for the elderly? If the elderly can't handle my pantsless self, that's not my fault. Maybe I could make a special concession for them and only take my pants off partway. If I dangle them around my knees as I trudge through the grocery store, then I will show that I am trying to follow the rules. If that's not good enough for them I just don't know what to say. It doesn't matter too much since they're going to die soon anyway, whether or not I wear my pants.
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