How many of us are doing that thing where we sniffle and then say WAIT WAS THAT A HARBINGER-OF-DOOM SNIFFLE OR AN ORDINARY SNIFFLE? I am doing that thing.
I have been mildly sick early since last week -- so mildly and in a way so much at variance with earlier reports of COVID-19 symptoms that I kept telling myself sternly I needed to buck up, buttercup, and stop worrying. I had a drippy nose when those side-by-side charts with symptoms for cold/flu/COVID-19 were saying that a drippy nose meant you had a cold. Except -- oh, wait, some people with COVID-19 infection have drippy noses, apparently. I've had a mild sore throat, an intermittent mild headache, and some intermittent mild chest tightness for, like, 12 days. (But was it actual chest tightness or was it hypochondria? Since I could finish a run without distress, it must have been hypochondria, I told myself.) There were some minor GI symptoms mixed in there, and just tonight I read that those are actually fairly common in response to the COVID-19 virus. No fever ever, no cough ever (EXCEPT WAIT WAS THAT A COUGH [No, that was a swallow of water going down the wrong way. Calm down, self; calm the heck down]).
I don't want to live an all-caps life here while we figure out what the future is going to look like, but I've got some all-caps tendencies I need to keep reining in. You all know that I fall on the more anxious end of the anxious-peaceful spectrum. The reality of LURKING INVISIBLE PATHOGENS that will KILL SOMEONE'S GRANDMA is a tough one for folks with OCD tendencies, which is also me.
Please pardon this self-indulgent post, which is partially me worrying that I had a mostly asymptomatic COVID-19 infection which I spread willy-nilly last week before the world caught fire, before we knew that a drippy nose didn't actually mean I could assume I had a little cold. (I was washing my hands fanatically all week, I promise. Those OCD inclinations are good for something.) I am also worrying about what comes next -- of the people I love, who will be affected, and how?
I am thinking about that line from Screwtape, about how the work of the devil is to encourage us to keep imagining our responses to a zillion hypothetical and contradictory situations, because if we seek grace to face the actual trials of the present moment (i.e., the uncertainty and fear), the supply will probably be ample. Good advice for times like these, yes?
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