My firstborn is not exactly on the opposite side of the world from me, but he's pretty close. He's in Malaysia, telling me that the beach is beautiful and the sun is shining and he is staying in the shadow of the highest mountain in SE Asia (although he's not 100% sure about the mountain's height relative to other mountains in SE Asia, since this is a geographical tidbit he picked up from the cabdriver).
This morning in church I sat two pews behind a former student, who was there alone with her two small children. I slipped out of my seat before Mass started to let her know I was available if she needed a spare pair of hands. I remember vividly the trials of being the only adult at Mass with two little ones.
I wouldn't have guessed, all those years ago, that the letting go would be its own kind of trial. It's been a long time since my firstborn needed me to wipe his nose or distract him while he was bored. These days he is sending me enthusiastic texts about Malaysian scenery. This is the most stereotypical island paradise I've ever seen in my life, he tells me. He'll be in Malaysia for one week and in Jakarta for another, a blend of work and play.
Meanwhile I'm having vicarious travel anxiety. The caves in Kuala Lumpur were amazing, he told me, and I thought "CAVES ARE VERY DANGEROUS PLACES." He's snorkeling with friends on Thursday, and I would like him to know that THE OCEAN IS ALSO A VERY DANGEROUS PLACE. I am trying to be calm and reserved in my replies. He told me he started his day with a combo of kimchi, sushi, and papaya, and I did not say SUSHI IS A DANGEROUS FOOD while wondering which parasites might have taken up residence in his innards. "Breakfast of champions," I texted back, impersonating the kind of tranquil mother who feels more pride than panic when her firstborn wangles an invitation to present at a conference on the other side of the world.
It's not that I'm wishing for a return to those days of wrangling two small children alone at Mass, you know. It's just that I have a keen appreciation for the simplicity of the needs of small children. If they needed me I was right there. Today I am almost 9000 miles away from my Alex. Probably it will all be fine, and in two weeks I will get a postcard from Malaysia to tack down in my 2020 photo album.
Probably.
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