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February 19, 2017

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Sometimes it's just easier not to think about these people's...ways. My coworker has a great mantra: "Joe is Joe." Some things just can't be changed, only accepted. I guess that any difficult interactions you have with her can always be offered up.

But if you can ever wear ear buds when you're around her, then by all means go to ear buds!

Have you spoken with her when she said something that offended you or your dignity? Does she know there is a problem?

I can see how hard it will be to be friends with both parties, especially if Boy A says he's innocent and Boy B says he's a thief. How can Boy A not be hurt by a friend not objecting to an accusation like that? How can Boy B not be hurt by a friend not objecting to a betrayal like that?

Staying friends with both means being loyal to neither. I don't know how to reconcile that. When one person really wrongs another, and doesn't want to acknowledge it, a neutral friend doesn't feel neutral to the wronged party. And in this case, both friends may feel wronged.

Forgiveness and charity are needed, but it's a very hard place to be.

Well, without wanting to *make* you *hardhearted*: The four hundred ninety chances are for people who ASK for them ;-).

If somebody is saying hurtful things, you will be hurt, the same as if they hurt you physically. I think that in both cases it is not unchristian to try to minimize the hurtful exposure and - if not possible - to acknowledge the pain inflicted.

I am just learning to handle a similar situation....

You're telling me ZETZER doesn't handle adults?!

(If I knew how to handle complicated people and situations, I'd get along with my extended family so much better. Praying for you and everyone in sticky situations. Loving humans is tough.)

Chances are chances. They're not obligations to endure abuse, or disruption of our own moral code or values. If that helps.

A friend of mine finally spoke up to someone who was being rude and insulting. She just flat out said, "Why do you say things like that?" And the person was humbled and basically said she was wrong. Have you tried this? I don't know if it would work in your situation, but I too have had luck with calling people on things. People who say things or do things that are out of the ordinary rude are often twisted by social anxiety or obsessions or suffering. I'm not saying you are obligated to go deeper with her, but you might be surprised if you just stand up for yourself by saying, "You know that hurt me," or something else that sounds less personal if you have a more professional relationship.

Of course, this might be a don't caste your pearls before swine situation. . . .

I'm going to go with "giving everybody fruit snacks" as the answer. :p

(My oldest child just pooped on the potty for the first time.)

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