Allied

Do you happen to remember the happy post I wrote about Casablanca? Tonight my husband and I went to see Allied, a love story that begins in Casablanca, and I am still shaking my head about it. Warning: spoilers ahead.

It is as if the writer said to himself, "Hm, how many improbable events can I concatenate into a single script without making it clear that I am deliberately being ridiculous? I know: I will have them move a woman who is pushing her baby out of the hospital and into the alley during an air raid. Because there's broken glass on the hospital floor."

"No," he said to himself. "Not ridiculous enough. I'll have my hero repeatedly defy orders and plan a one-man fact-finding mission to Dieppe. I'll have him concoct a clearly preposterous plan and attempt to execute it. And then I"ll have his superior officer say the single most implausible line in a movie chock full of implausibility. How's that? Ridiculous enough?"

Evidently not, because this post is just one slim slice of the deep-dish ridiculous pie that is Allied. I would tell you more, but my 14yo is waiting to use this computer. In sum: rent Casablanca instead. Allied is not worth two hours of your life.