Last night I was making myself a plan for today. I was hosting a tea party for Stella and her friends, and I hadn't done the advance baking that I'd originally planned to do. As I was thinking about what 5:00 today might look like, I thought I'd be ready for a break from kid noise and dishes.
Instead the kid noise and the dishes didn't really register at 5:00. At 5:00 I was busy thinking about three other bits of news that had broken in the preceding ten minutes: the vent-cleaning guys caused a minor flood in our basement when they disconnected a hose last week, the walnut tree sent most but not all of a giant branch sliding down onto the trampoline, and one of my teens texted to say that his summer job had ended abruptly and unhappily.
Elwood came home just a little after 5, and together we talked about what happens next. Was it necessary to saw up the walnut branch to prevent damage to the trampoline, or was that a dangerous idea with the rest of the branch still semi-attached up above? Did we need the shop-vac for the basement, or just the dehumidifier? How much of a fuss should we kick up with the vent-cleaning folks? What kinds of repercussions might the job kerfuffle cause, and how should we respond?
I have often thought and occasionally posted about the virtue of patience. The Holy Spirit does not sprinkle patience dust upon us while we sleep; instead he equips us to respond patiently in situations that spark impatience in us. My kids have heard my joke enough times to roll their eyes at it: I wish God would HURRY UP and make me more patient already.
Tonight I was thinking about peace as a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Its growth happens in the same way: we can't depend on a steady stream of low-stress circumstances to make us peaceful people; true peace is the capacity to keep trusting calmly in the face of difficulties.
I kept having to reign myself in this evening. What if the damage to the walnut tree allows PATHOGENS in and the whole tree becomes DISEASED and falls on our HOUSE while we are sleeping or we have to pay EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS to have it taken down? What if the expensive cabinet in the basement is RUINED FOREVER because of the water issue and the vent-cleaning guys say it wasn't THEIR fault?
Once I start it's easy to keep going. At the dinner table I was fretting about the boy who was driving home from the gym along flooded roads. "I hope he's not driving on autopilot," I stewed. "I hope he doesn't just go the usual way, since the police closed it."
"Jamie," said Elwood, "if the police have closed it then he can't go that way on autopilot."
With mock irritation I said, "Excuse me, can't you see I'm trying to worry here? Do you think it's easy to think up all these things to worry about?"
He burst out laughing. "You do actually make it look pretty easy to find things to worry about," he said.
It would be better if I could make calm and trust look easy. That, I fear, will require some practice.
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