She who sings brays twice

Am I pseudonymous enough to write this post? I hope so, because I'm writing it anyway.

You guys, for years I have struggled with the music at our church. There are so so so many things I love about our parish, but the music has never been one of them. I wrote a little teeny bit about it years ago (that Liberace reference pretty much sums up my objections). Recently our pastor announced (very kindly, with much gratitude for her service) that the music director would be stepping down. Am I pseudonymous enough to say that I wanted to cheer? That I didn't want to hear Hosea or other refugee songs from the 70s at Mass even one more time? That it's frustrating to attempt to lead the singing of O Come, All Ye Faithful and be unable to figure out where I'm supposed to come in or where the beat is supposed to fall?

Since 2006 I have been a cantor for my parish. I have sung about once a month with one of the organists, figuring out music that fits with the readings and makes us both happy. (Only once, on Christmas, was the music director at the organ; that was the day when I thought, "If I can't figure out O Come All Ye Faithful, something is really wrong here.") I can learn the music on my own time and show up half an hour before Mass to rehearse the bits and pieces that are unfamiliar. I never ever have to sing Gift of Finest Wheat or anything penned by David Haas. It's been a great way to keep the musical part of my brain humming while respecting my family's needs.

This is not my most becoming admission, but I just didn't get it when people were sad about the music director's departure. Bring in the new! Three cheers for an end to relentless arpeggiating! 

And then last week there was an announcement in the bulletin: no more cantor/organ Masses. Each Mass will have its own ensemble; all ensembles will have a weeknight practice. All musicians are required to audition in order to continue as part of the music ministry, and then they'll be assigned to the ensemble that's the best fit for them.

This announcement sparked some exclamation-pointy emails among the cantors and organists. We were supposed to get some advance notice, apparently, instead of learning about the change through the bulletin. For whatever reason, those phone calls didn't happen.

I don't want to act aggrieved here. I have a lot of confidence in our pastor's judgment. But I am also unhappy with my options. I am very cautious about taking on weeknight commitments. And this may not be my most becoming admission either, but I feel cautious about spending my free time singing music entirely selected by someone else. Life is too short to rehearse Let There Be Peace On Earth. By and large, Christian music is a depressing indicator that Sturgeon's law is optimistic.

So. I am keenly aware of the irony here: late May thoughts of "Why are all these people grumbling about the pastor's decision?" followed by early June thoughts of "Why did the pastor make this decision that I don't like one bit?" I missed the organizational meeting on Wednesday, and I mislaid the bulletin with the information on scheduling an audition. At the same time, the thought of not being involved at all in parish music makes me sad.

I guess I'll just complain about the situation on my blog instead. How's that for a productive approach?