So far three separate people have sent me links to articles about that Maryland family whose Free Range Kids philosophy didn't go over so well with their local authorities. It is a terrible story. It makes me want to punch someone.
It also makes me grateful for Officer K.
When a neighbor called the police because my 6yo child was walking home alone, Officer K responded to the call. He could have swooped in like the Maryland police, snatching up my son, demanding that I show ID, summoning 5 (5!!) additional squad cars to subdue the clearly dangerous pregnant lady with the temerity to tell her son to hop out of the van and walk. He could have threatened to shoot in front of my child (because that's totally less traumatic for a child than walking to the playground). Officer K did none of those things. Here's what he did instead:
First: Officer K listened neutrally to everybody's side of the story. He didn't assume my neighbor's frothy-mouthed version of events was correct. The swoop-snatch remedy wouldn't have been appropriate in this case, and he took the time to find out what would be. He listened to my explanation; he also let me know, gently, that my neighborhood is not free of criminal activity. He responded courteously when I pushed back about the kinds of crime we see here.
Second: Officer K had his priorities straight. First priority: my son's safety. He was gentle and respectful with my kid, more focused on how Joe was doing than on flexing his officerly muscles. Second priority: keeping the peace. He could have written a report emphasizing the neighbor's frothy-mouthiness. He could have written a report emphasizing the fact that my son did run across a street without looking. Instead he wrote a report that called it a neighborly disagreement requiring no further follow-up. (I might quibble about his definition of neighborly, however.) Not a priority: power-trippy games. I said, "I need to get my son to the dentist." He could have opted for the Maryland cop's approach and said, "You can go when I say you can go." Instead he said, "No problem."
Third: Officer K followed up. One of the most upsetting elements of the situation for me was that the freaked-out neighbor lady had physically restrained Joe. "I want to go home," he told her clearly. "I know how to go home." Holding his arm firmly, she yelled, "You can't go home until we get you some help." I considered a number of possible responses, none of which felt very Christian to me. When Joe and I went to the police station to talk to Officer K about it, his response was immensely helpful to me. I asked him if it would be better to send a registered letter or hire a lawyer, and he said, "Well, you could do that, if you wanted to go to the expense." But then he offered to stop by and talk to her himself (the story is in the last paragraph of that post), to let her know that she was out of line. And he offered me a bit of calm perspective that has stayed with me. "Janelle's young," he said. "She doesn't have kids." He didn't lecture me about how she was looking out for Joe's best interest; he just offered a very gentle encouragement for me to consider her point of view. I haven't forgotten it.
In our family we have talked a lot since 2008 about the process of raising independent kids in a helicopter-parent world. We talked about it again tonight. "Don't let ANYBODY give you any flak EVER about walking home from school," I said earnestly to my sweet 9yo, the lemonade renegade. "It is a REALLY GOOD thing that you can get yourself around our town. You are not doing anything wrong when you walk by yourself."
It is a pep talk I have also given myself. These days when I think about that 2008 experience I feel galvanized; I feel confident about reasoning my way to good decisions for my kids. I have written before about the frenzied neighbor, and I have thought often about my frustrations with the CPS caseworker who couldn't be bothered to return phone calls or meet his own deadlines. But I haven't said enough about Officer K, who brought some sanity to a crazy situation.
So thanks, Officer K. I appreciate it more than you know.
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