Light and Momentary

Back-formation

Me: Be still so I can clean the wax out of your ears. There, you're all done.

Stella: Mama, there's one more wack in my ear. But I got it myself!

Jamie vs. Perfectionism, round 75,163,937 and counting

I think I expected the process of prepping a new class to be angst-free this time around. I knew I could do it; I'd done it before. Even better, I am prepping one of the classes I'd wanted to teach, rather than something outside my area.

The reality is that prepping a new class means making mistakes. The first time you give an assignment, you can think ahead and proofread like crazy and problem-solve in advance, and you're still going to have students saying, "But wait, what about...?" The first time you plan readings for a course, you're going to realize that they need tweaking. The first time you give a lecture, you're going to be guessing to a certain extent about how long it will take. The first time you teach a class, you're not going to nail it.

I like nailing things.

In my first year on the job I felt extra pressure to Get It Right because I had zero job security. This year I would probably have to goof up something major (something much bigger than telling my students on Thursday that the readings schedule for the following week was correct, and then sending an announcement on Friday that there had been a slight change to the readings I was posting -- although GAH! I am flinching at the memory anyway) to be disinvited.

In my first year on the job I was routinely stressed because I was teaching outside my area. I would think, "I can talk for 10 minutes about alexia. Unfortunately, I'm supposed to talk for 2.5 hours about alexia." This year it's the opposite sort of pressure. I will have 45 minutes of class time on Tuesday because of group presentations, and I have too many fun ideas and examples to fit in 45 minutes. (My 2011 self is saying, "Cry me a river, babe.") Even though it's a good kind of problem to have, it's not easy to figure out which ideas will be most useful for my students.

So. I am hanging in there. I am battling perfectionism every damn day. I am trying to be humble about the logistical things I get wrong, trying to find the right balance between accommodating and firm. I still hate grading and I hate plagiarism even more. More importantly, my students are terrific and teaching is a delight. I miss blogging. More soon.

Some Number of Quick Takes: Week 3 Edition

1. I think it's a sure sign that I'm out of the blogging groove if seven quick takes sounds like too many.

2. Last week I was thinking, "I should close down the blog. I'm not going to have time to write. It will just be a distraction. My students will find it eventually and I don't want that to happen." And then I remembered that the whole reason I started this blog seven years ago (!) was to write quick and easy posts documenting life with the kids. After that I remembered how fun it is to revisit those early posts, full of things I would never have been able to recall on my own. So. Onward.

3. Back in July I applied for life insurance. I was disgruntled when my bloodwork results kicked me into a higher risk category: one of my liver numbers was elevated. Harrumph, I thought, it was the Kahlua I drank while I was working on those stupid photo albums. I'm a one-drink-a-month kind of drinker and I had two a night for a week. I'll get it retested and then I can go back in the low-risk category where I belong.

Now I have two liver numbers that are elevated: AST and GGT. 

4. But I am not letting my imagination run away with me, she said virtuously. Not at all. I'm going to see a gastroenterologist on the 17th. Say a prayer?

5. Stella has been interested in dance for a while now, but after calling around in the summer and determining that every little girl dance class in town was inconvenient for one reason or another, I decided guiltily to let it slide for another semester. But! Then! At our downtown arts festival I came across a table for a ballet studio that's right in my neighborhood, offering classes that fit into our crazypants fall schedule. She started yesterday and OH OH OH the cuteness. So glad it worked out after all.

6. Do you happen to remember all my stress and angst about getting my grad school research projects published? Rejections, a withdrawal, revising until I was weary of the sound of my own voice? Well. Both of those projects were accepted for publication this summer-- one in June and one in August. The timing couldn't be better -- it means I am in good shape for my first year on the tenure track. 

Maybe one day I will learn to trust God's timing, you think?

7. The semester is going well, I think, but I have a boatload of grading to do this weekend. Prepping a class is a bit like childbirth-- the way you think afterward, "Oh, it wasn't that bad," and then you get into the middle of it again and you realize it was that bad and then some.

Hey, look at that-- I made it to 7. More quick takes at Jen's.