Abridged version: I did it!
The question of which group to run with had taken on outsize significance in my head. I'd been evaluating every single run -- every single one -- by the metric of group-3-worthiness. On the walk over to the trail I was all tied up in knots -- so much so that I couldn't even pray.
This part is a little weird, but I felt God telling me to stop, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. I slowed down, uncertain, and then stopped. I remembered Jesus saying "Peace, be still" to the ocean, and the torrent of "what if what if what if" quieted. I felt suddenly certain that I could run with the faster group tonight.
Possible TMI warning: about a mile into the run I needed a bathroom badly. This rarely happens to me these days, but probability is cold comfort when there's no plumbing available. The group leader estimated that there was a portable toilet a quarter-mile away, but it was actually quite a bit further. Under other circumstances I might have been busy playing mind games with myself ("we're not even halfway how will I make it back am I too slow for them no one else is breathing so loudly") but my need for the facilities was a surprisingly welcome distraction. I was more than happy to push the pace, actually. And then on the way back I thought, "Hey, now I just have to run instead of running and clenching!" At the end I was glad to be done, but in a happy endorphin-buzzy way. Throwing up was never a worry.
I had completely forgotten how much nicer it is to have other people to run with when you're flagging. In my mind I'd been seeing them all as better runners whom I'd be holding back. Instead of bringing up the rear I spent most of the run comfortably in the middle of the pack and then finished strong.
It might not have been my best idea to do 30-Day Shred plus a Pilates/yoga class yesterday, because my thighs feel like the fighting Uruk-hai have been using them for ironing boards. (All you people thinking that the fighting Uruk-hai probably don't do much ironing can just take your picky-picky high standards to somebody else's blog now. I bet Sauron assigned lazy or cowardly Uruk-hai to iron his foul and vomitous sheets. Wait, were the Uruk-hai in Saruman's service? His sheets were probably not much of an improvement over Sauron's. ANYWAY. Moving on.) I was doing a little tree pose in the kitchen* and was unpleasantly surprised at the soreness in whatever muscle my foot was resting on. (What muscle is that, anyway? Inner thigh but down low, just above the knee. I blame the Pilates sidelying leg exercises.)
*I am not sure when I turned into a person who does spontaneous yoga poses.
Thank you for your encouraging comments! I appreciated both the ones that told me to go for it and the ones that said you'd understand if I didn't. Now it's time for a nice hot bath and an act of Othello. Coming soon: a bit more Shakespeare blogging.
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