I am almost done being self-centered.

Three posts ago: I spend too much of Mass fretting about other people's choices. 
Two posts ago: I spend too much of life fretting about other people's choices. 
One post ago: my neighbors' catastrophe is about meeeeee. 
Today's post: my SIL's catastrophe is also about me. (I'm not really saying that, I promise.)

Hoo boy, isn't that an attractive list? I need to do some, like, recipe-blogging. Or cute kid pictures. Or something.

Tonight I have guardians on the brain. My SIL and her husband were our children's guardians. We need a new disaster plan now. 

It is a horrible question: who will watch over our children if we both die? Who might be willing to take them in and raise them in the faith and launch them into the world? This is a disadvantage of having a large family, because accepting responsibility for five kids is a whopping commitment. We discussed it for years before we settled on my SIL and her husband. Now what?

I'd love to hear some stories about how you chose a guardian for your kids. And by the way, the comments on those judgy posts are so helpful -- both the ones about being judgy and the ones about engaging in potentially judgeable behavior. Thanks again!

 

Comments

[Celeste]

We really only have one relative who can step up. But, she has health problems and no backup so I have my doubts. Our actual plan is DON'T BOTH DIE.

Don't feel bad about your posts. Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves before we can resume giving to others. With the neighbors' fire, they have insurance fixing their problems. Your garden is your problem, and you are naturally concerned as the seasons change.

[bearing]

Find another family with five kids who will make the reciprocal bargain with you. (This is not unlike what we did...)

[Amy F]

We're converts but very close to our families and decided to have my sister and her Lutheran-pastor husband be guardians. I think we talked to them, saying that if the kids were old enough, we'd want them to at least have the choice to continue attending Mass and having Catholic sacraments. But we know they'd grow up with faith and family no matter what, and that won out. But if we have a 4th child, I wonder if we'd consider splitting the kids up? Has anyone done that? Possibly asking Catholic friends to be guardians of the older kids?

Yeah, it's hard to make the big decisions.

I'm with Celeste and the NO DYING plan.

[Lilian]

Actually, ever since you shared they were the guardians, I was thinking the same thing your thinking... wondering who you would choose next since I know it's such a hard decision.

We haven't made that decision, BTW, we pretty much trust anyone in our family, our parents and siblings. I like the "don't both die" plan best of all, though. :) sigh... if only life could be that easy. sigh again...

[gina]

I'm going to make a suggestion without even knowing the whole situation...(and I apologize if I'm sounding ridiculous here...)

Why couldn't the guardian stay the same? (if she agrees?) I understand the need for two people and multiple children...but who is to say your original choice still wouldn't be valid?

[Eliza]

My husband and I are at a stalemate between his sister and her husband or my brother and his wife, with each of us preferring our own family member. Either set of parents would raise our kids in our faith, and be great parents.

I think my brother is the best choice because once he gets out of school, he will be making a lot more money than my SIL's family. Kids are a financial burden, too. I think my husband thinks that's a very clinical way of deciding.

[Christine]

We chose my brother-in-law, which was easy enough because he has two children close in age to ours, a lovely wife, is financially comfortable, and their ethics/beliefs are much the same as ours. The one problem is that they're on another continent. Because what your kids need when they've just lost their parents is to leave all their friends and schools and routines behind to live with cousins they see once a year in a country they've only ever visited but never lived in.

[Marie]

We haven't made this decision yet. All of our parents are in their early 50s and I guess they are our default for the time being. None of our siblings are an option. We'd be more likely to choose an extended family member like aunt/uncle or cousins.

[Heather]

I'm kind of with Gina -- is it outside the realm of possibility to stay with the original plan? Particularly as your oldest children get even older (or am I confusing you with someone else and they aren't that old?) and have different needs?

This is a good reminder for us, thank you. We only have one sibling between the two of us, but we really ought to have the formal conversation and draw up wills, etc.

And of course you are blogging about how these events affect you -- it's your blog!

[Jamie]

I hadn't even thought about my SIL. Seven kids plus one widow seems like it would be beyond overwhelming, don't you think?

[Gina]

But wait...she is so much more than a widow,..she is a person, and you were going to entrust her with your children anyway,..

[Jamie]

Oh, of course you are right, Gina. It just seems so ferociously hard.

[Gina]

Agreed...love to you and yours, whatever the outcome is. Xo