Monday was a Scout potluck and Tuesday I went to strength-training class, but last night we started dinner table boot camp. Last night I spread the tablecloth and lit a candle and turned out the overhead lights. Stella did beautifully! She was reluctant to sit in her spot between her brothers, but she was happy to sit on my lap instead. She ate lots of pork roast (no calabacitas, no Brussels sprouts, and no mostly-carrot cole slaw, but hey-- one thing at a time). She was still eating, in fact, when it was time to take Petely to CCD.
It was not, however, an unmitigated success.
Boys: Whyyyyyy is there a tablecloth? Whyyyyyy are the lights off?
Parents: To encourage your sister to eat more at mealtimes and have better manners.
Boys: But I don't liiiiiiike having the lights off. Whyyyyyy are the lights off?
Parents: To encourage your sister to eat more at mealtimes and have better manners.
[repeat, especially if you are the boy who will remain nameless but who tends to be argumentative]
Elwood tells me that I often spring things on the boys without warning -- he was surprised I hadn't told them what was afoot when I told the internet. I don't know, you guys. I used to envision myself as the kind of mom who encouraged input and collaboration and who listened sensitively to my children's ideas. And then I gave birth to five opinionated children. If I say, "Let's go out for ice cream!" they will argue about which ice cream shop to visit. Like, they will fight and give no quarter until I wonder why I ever suggest treats or fun outings and if perhaps I should confine each boy to a quarter of the basement and forbid him to speak to his siblings. Or me. Ever again.
(I am typing this in a hurry or I would probably delete that whole last paragraph.)
Anyway, it's often easier to make an enthusiastic-and-not-up-for-negotiation announcement: We're going to Culver's! We're going to West Virginia for vacation! We're going to eat dinner by candlelight and BY GOLLY you can deal!
Tonight I am making pizza. Perhaps they will be more tolerant of aberrations like tablecloths and candlelight if there are fewer cruciferous vegetables on offer.
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