Getting old is overrated.

I used to have the metabolism of a shrew, and now I have the metabolism of a sloth.

I used to think I was slow when I ran a sub-6:30 mile.

I used to be free of weird aches and pains. I didn't even know what plantar fasciitis was. If pressed, I would have guessed it was a petunia fungus.

I used to get annoyed because people told me constantly how young I looked and DERNIT I didn't want to look young.

And? It's all downhill from here.