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August 13, 2011


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oh dear, good, very good to have you back. And marriage *IS* *most definitely* ferociously hard. I'm sorry you feel so frustrated, my friend. The boating outing (too much ing, I know) sounds delightful, but I am even more delighted about your upcoming teaching assignments! The Lord is wonderful indeed. Well, I have to sleep now, but I'm glad to be "talking" to you again!

Praying for you...

And yes...marriage is ferociously hard...

Ok, I think the people in the Catholic blogosphere LIE about their marriages. Or something. Because there is no way they are all striving for the Lord, following all the rules, never fighting, never having a problem. I am sorry, but that's not real life. Ferociously hard? Is real.

On the other hand, yay for the job. That is just awesome. I hope it is everything you want it to be! :)

Oh, I am sorry. You know, I think that last time you invited questions I asked about marriage and how to keep on doing it. I really do understand that it's not bloggable,and actually felt very bad afterwards for raising it; but I'm still grateful for just those couple of sentences you wrote above. Makes one feel less like a failure and more like this is Just Part of the Deal.
And if you ever do find a way of writing about issues and how to communicate without sending the conversation into the same old tailspin or how to stop expecting change even when you know you shouldn't... well, bated breath and all that. Or, hey, even a list of What Not To Do, which I bet would be funny and get some of the frustrations out.

You've struck a nerve today. You are most definitely keeping it real. I have no words for how hard marriage is. It almost makes it even harder because socially, it's not to be spoken about. I am past comparing mine to other, maybe mythical marriages. I'm just struggling.

But this weekend it finally clicked for me how to knit from a charted pattern repeat (use tons of stitch markers and number the rows from the bottom up) and now I have a stalled project going forward again. I'm a new knitter so this is exciting to have something mystifying make sense.

A comedian once said that 90 percent of the time, marriage means thinking about how incredibly lucky you are to have found your soulmate. And the other 10 percent of the time, you're wondering, "How can I fake my death?"

Thank you, Jamie, for writing even this little bit about it. Slim, I think the percentages are more like 60/40.

I say you're keeping it real. I'll also admit that when I read too many things in which everyone is Communicating Effectively and nobody is fighting unproductively and we're all striving for Heaven...I feel like I must be getting it wrong as a wife AND mother AND Catholic. Reading about other people who are (as a friend put it when somebody asked him what he thought about salvation and the state of his soul), "works in progress" makes me feel a lot more grounded. Being a work in progress is OK: work has been started, and is progressing, and the Worker apparently thinks the project is worth what's been budgeted for it. ;-)

I tried once explaining to somebody in my church that hearing a priest say, "If you only understood X, Y and Z, then you'd A, B and C," didn't actually help me understand X, Y and Z. I didn't need to be shown all the ways in which I was Doing It Wrong -- because, believe me, I'm aware. What I need is help getting it right.

So, keep on keeping on, and thank you.

Retroville. I'll tell you about it sometime.

Also, my son, Basil, the 2½ yr old has horrendous sleep. A good friend, mother of 8, suggested a sleep study. If I do it I'll let you know if it helps.

You are wonderful and I'm right there with you. Not perfect in any aspect, but trying. Almost ten years of marriage and it's hard. Love being married, but it's hard. It takes work. It takes God! I don't know how folks do it without him ... and in fact they don't. They divorce. Not an option for us, so we work at it and see the forest for the trees most days.

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