Next

I've started telling people that I'm going to graduate in the spring. If some kind of disaster strikes, like if I'm diagnosed with cancer next week or my husband runs off to live in Ixtapa with one of the interns, then I may curse my optimism. But I'm feeling confident enough that when people ask me how school is going, I tell them I should be done soon.

What they are supposed to say is, "Hey, that's great! What an accomplishment, finishing a PhD with five kids." Then I'm supposed to smile a satisfied but still modest smile and scuff my toe in the dirt.

What they could also consider saying is, "How's your dissertation coming together? I've always heard that last stage is tough." Then I could allow as to how it is pretty tough, between my recalcitrant stats program and the baby whose mission in life is to stuff into her mouth every choking hazard she can find.

What they actually say is, "What will you do next?" And I don't know yet.

I've been pretty calm about the whole thing, because I believe that God has a plan for me. I felt called into this program and I don't need to know the next step just yet. That, however, is a conversation I'm more likely to have with a good friend than with some random parent at soccer practice.

I have been hoping that something would open up at the university in my neighborhood, but I just didn't know how likely that was. I've been telling people that I would apply for a half-time post-doc that's based an hour away. I figured I could spend one long day on campus and work from home the rest of the time. I could also return to clinical work, even though that's not my favorite idea.

Today in between subsetting my data and making more pretty tables for chapter 3 of my dissertation, I looked at the faculty openings for the university in my neighborhood. There's nothing in the department that trains SLPs, but there are three tenure-track openings in a closely related department. On paper, at least, I have all the qualifications they're looking for.

No heavenly lights beamed down to spell out, "This is it, Jamie -- it's what you've been preparing for." I'm not sure if I should pursue a full-time appointment when baby Stella will still just be toddler Stella. (The department is a five-minute walk from my house, though, and I'm pretty sure a full-time load would be two courses per semester.)  

I'm going to apply, I think, and we'll see what happens next.

Comments

[Lilian]

WOW, what a big step! And I also keep on hoping and praying that the Lord does have a plan for "me and my PhD" too. Sigh.

In any case, if you are "chosen" for the position, I'm sure He will enable you to do it.

As for me, right now I sometimes wish I never had even finished the degree because it feels so terribly useless!

OH, on another note, have I told you about the woman (adjunct professor as of now, but perhaps soon tenure track) with NINE kids and a PhD? (and five of those kids born DURING the course of the PhD process?). She's The Philosopher Mom: http://phdwithninekids.blogspot.com/.

OK, gotta go to bed now. I'm tired after writing my loooong asthma post.

[Sarah]

You know, you're abilities and focus has always amazed me. I cannot imagine getting a PhD, children notwithstanding. I think you have earned a moment to revel in your accomplishment.

[Sarah]

I can't believe I used the wrong form of "your" in my comment. I don't even deserve the B.A. in English that I already have, much less a higher degree! I'm having quite a laugh at myself, I assure you.

[ann]

just wanted you to know, that were i to be the random parent at soccer, my response would absolutely be one of complete admiration and awe that you are slated to complete a phd with five kids (and one a baby). i am in awe through the computer!
:)

[JaneC]

I am another one completely in awe. I'm having a difficult enough time doing a PhD with no children (yet).

I also completely understand the annoying questions. "When will you graduate?" "A dissertation--how long does that take?" "So, what are you going to do with a PhD in Music History--teach college?" "Any ideas where you'd like to teach?"

(Answers: 1. I don't know, 2. I don't know, 3. Yes, that's what most people with PhDs do, 4. Wherever there's a job--you don't generally have a choice.)

What they should say: "Wow, you passed your Quals--congrats." "Dissertations can be pretty rough, huh?" and...well, all the other questions I can think of have to do with the subject itself, but almost no one would ask about that since they don't want me to blather incomprehensibly for fifteen minutes.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Jamie, I am completely in awe of your accomplishments - a PhD (and so quickly) with 5 children, especially with one being an infant. It's astounding and inspiring!

I am in the throes of something similar (though it appears that I am coming out on the other side). A massive structural reorganization has taken place while I am on (Canadian) maternity leave, eliminating my old position (but not the job functions, which have moved elsewhere). I found this out 3 weeks before an essential accreditation (foreign language proficieny) was about to lapse and while I am likely to regain the accreditation, I cannot guarantee it after 8 months at home with an infant. This means that I could not secure another position until I recertified, a stressor I (a) did not relish and (b) felt would make me less present for my little boy during his infancy. Boy, did I pray and pray for guidance.

It's so great to hear you talk about feeling called into your program; I feel a calling to do the work I do, but it's not often that Catholic wives and moms talk about this additional facet of their vocation and I often feel conflicted. I haven't spoken about this on my own blog because I worry about alienating those who read - my lapsed Catholic staunch feminist friends, my orthodox readers and my own Mom (who will worry that I am second guessing her own decision to work in a field that really was what she was called to do).

Anyway - through all the praying (and the...ahem...fear about turning everything over to the Lord because I struggle with relinquishing control), I had a strange feeling of peace. And - not one day after I agreed that I'd proceed "...according to [His] will,", I had an impromtu interview with an amazing team who had an opening and immediately felt I'd be a great fit. I was their number one choice for a position, and the official appointment took place before my accreditation lapsed. AND we found and a wonderful, loving caregiver for my son within two days who happened to have one opening for the date I needed, too.

Sometimes, I need a smack upside the head. EVERY SINGLE TIME I have trusted in Him for anything major, things have worked out better than I had dreamed.

All that to say - I will be praying for you and for your next step, whatever it may be. And that you'll forgive me for hijacking your comment section :).

[pnuts mama]

i'm praying for you, too- and my goodness, woman, to graduate by spring! that would be an accomplishment that i can hardly find a comparison for. congrats! you deserve every accolade! what's next will always find a way to show itself- trust in that.