Stressball

I have been over-the-top anxious lately, but in a weird way. I am not stressed about the work that's actually in front of me, but about the future. I am confident about getting a draft of chapter two to my advisor by the end of the month, but I am worried about getting the revisions finished by December. (No! Ack! Late November, to give my committee two weeks to read the document before my preliminary exam.) I am worried about getting five children to adulthood intact, but not about anything that's a problem at the moment. I am worried about world financial collapse, worried about Christmas, worried about how I will fulfill the terms of my fellowship next summer -- just constantly jittery about things that are in the future. Or things that might not even be in the future.

Anxiety is a chronic issue for me. Sometimes it's better than others; right now it's worse. I am going to wean myself off caffeine (a little today, less tomorrow, none on Thursday) and try to spend some time walking in the sunshine today. I think I may resubscribe to FlyLady so things are more orderly around here (it just occurred to me that I could filter all the testimonials right to trash). I might up my fish oil a little, because baby is working hard to build a brain right now and maybe there aren't enough EFAs to go around with my current intake. Maybe.

One of my favorite things about the Proverbs 31 woman is that she laughs at the future. I might stick that up on the wall over the computer, as a reminder. In this exact state of mind, actually, that might feel more like a rebuke than an encouragement. Maybe I'll get to that in a few days.