Unexpectedly

When I found out I was pregnant, I immediately thought I'd have to give up my fellowship for next year. Both Elwood and my advisor encouraged me not to be hasty, and in the weeks since then my advisor and I have talked a lot about how I could meet the requirements of the fellowship after this baby arrives without losing my mind. I have been gobsmacked (in a good way, a grateful kind of gobsmacked), by her flexibility and willingness to work with me.

But I have been a little worried about talking to the professor who administers the grant. She is very careful about following the rules, which specify that I am supposed to be acquiring teaching experience and putting in a specified number of lab hours, and she is also 15 or so years older than I am. She came up through the ranks when it was much harder to be a woman and an academic than it is today, when it was still acceptable to say things like, "You're pretty smart for a girl," and I think she remains ambivalent about the compromises required of her as a mother who was also a scientist.

This could, it seemed to me, nudge her in either of two directions. She might think that I need to pay my dues, and man up (woman up, it has to be, since this issue is far less painful for men than women), and teach next spring as originally planned. Or she might think that it's about time for the department to make it easier for women to be mothers and scientists at the same time.

I just didn't know. I knew it wouldn't be a disaster, since even if she recommended that I decline funding for this year, we'd figure it out financially. I was dreading the conversation anyway.

Then I got an utterly unexpected email from her. She was talking about rescheduling a meeting, and she said, "Now that I am experiencing life without day care, I realize again what a tremendous effort you make to work on your Ph.D. while raising your boys.  If you ever need to make special arrangements for your involvement on the grant, please know that we will be very willing to accommodate your needs, whatever they might be." She went on to suggest some specifics that could make my life much easier in the spring.

Last fall I kept meaning to post about this fellowship, which was simply providential. I am sitting here tonight and re-reading her email, feeling gobsmacked again. It seemed like a crazy idea to work on a PhD with four young children. I would have guessed it would be impossible with five. But these gifts keep falling into my path: a great fellowship, a fabulous advisor, this email out of the blue. I keep on working, and it keeps on working out. How cool is that?