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March 18, 2007

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i am right with you on the anxiety of juggling being a SAHM with working part-time (mostly from home) and being a doctoral student. pardon my french, but in two words: IT SUCKS! AGH! ok, i guess i just needed to get that off of my chest, and i can't say that it really sucks all the time, but sometimes it certainly feels as though since i can't give each 100% all the time, i let myself and those who depend on me down, and that is the part that really sucks.

is it weird that i am jealous of my friends who either *just* SAH or WOH? instead of the 3 step shuffle that i always feel two steps behind on? sigh. but yes, even though i need some space from my pnut now and again, i wouldn't be able to be apart from her at this stage of the game yet, either. i'll pray for you to be able to continue to discern your path, if that's ok.

I always have wondered what would have happened if we'd had to put the Mooch in full time daycare from the beginning... my current guess is that R would have quit his job. There is no way he would ever have made it in daycare. The providers would have gone nuts. He just needs one-on-one attention. Some kids are like that.

The problem is not with the mother at Joe's preschool, nor is it with the daughter who cried when her mother left. The problem lies with the mainstream need to assign blame to the needs of infants. "She's trying to make you feel guilty." "She cries to manipulate you so you'll pick her up." "Leave her there, it will teach her a lesson." As if infants and toddlers NEED to be taught to have their "wants" (really NEEDS) ignored.

What that mother really needed to hear was, "She loves you and she misses you, but school is fun, too. Transitions are difficult for young children. Here are some ways to make your parting easier..." But nobody ever says that.

That is the sad part, in my opinion.

I tried to have a part-time job once for about 10 hours a week back '03. The kids totally freaked out and then so did my husband. . . needless to say, while I liked working at the gourmet grocery store I couldn't really get past my own guilt so I've decided to wait. I don't do the divided attention thing very well.

I always admire that you are able to do so well with the challenges you set up for yourself.

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