All Right, Here We Go: Resolved, and Logistics

Sometimes blogging is good for you.

In a few different deleted posts, I tried to figure out why I was so reluctant to blog about homeschooling.  It's my parents, those posts said.  Their opposition to homeschooling really touches a nerve.  My parents disagree with most of my out-of-the-mainstream choices, but it rarely bothers me.  When it comes to homeschooling, their disapproval really gets under my skin.

They disapprove for three reasons:   (a) they think I am consigning my children to a life of freakdom since homeschooled kids are weird (both Mom and Dad), (b) they have heard that homeschooled children are so used to doing their own thing that they can't function in the workplace (mostly Dad, and one of these days I need to tell him, "You know, increasing their tolerance for soul-sucking boredom is not on my list of educational goals for my children, and I'm not ashamed of it"), and (c) they think a mother can't be an effective teacher for her own children (mostly Mom, based in part on trying to learn piano from her own mother). 

But I think they also disapprove because there is some old tension between us on the subject of education.  My own school experience was frequently miserable, and they seemed to expect that I would just suck it up.  I suspect that their unwavering insistence that my kids should learn to get by in public school arises from their previous unwavering insistence that I should learn to get by in public school.

Somewhere I read that you're never really grown up until you let go of your need for your parents' approval, and in this series of drafted and deleted posts I have been feeling like a flunkout from emotional maturity kindergarten.  I don't know why, exactly, I get so sad about their attitude.  Maybe because I try so hard to do it well and they remain convinced, in a "don't confuse me with the facts" way, that homeschooling is always a bad idea.

For a while I was thinking, "I should have one of those low-key Harriet Lerner kinds of conversations with my parents.  What was it like for them when the boy in junior high set my hair on fire?  What was junior high like when they were kids?"  But something inside me would seize up at the prospect and say, "Ha! As if! Maybe in ten years, if Alex is cruising through Harvard and I am vindicated at last!"

But do you know:  around the fourth deleted post I began to feel a little calmer.  I began to think that maybe I could actually have a conversation with them that didn't leave me tied up in knots.  And even if I don't have that conversation with them, I am at least feeling more peaceful myself. 

I knew, before, that I couldn't handle any trollery on this topic.  You want to tell me I'm a nut for giving birth at home or tandem-nursing?  Feel free.  You want to tell me I'm a nut for homeschooling my children?  Watch Jamie curl up into a ball and doubt herself one more time.   This is why I've written so little about something that takes up so much of my life -- I was staying out of the kitchen for fear of the heat.  While I'm in a better spot these days, I'm still feeling a little tentative about this post.  (If you want to tell me about any areas in which your parents can push your buttons effortlessly, it would help me to feel less alone here in remedial emotional maturity kindergarten.)

Moving on:   I am resolved to post semi-regularly about homeschooling.  Why don't we use a math curriculum?  How do you teach Latin to a kid in kindergarten and make him think it's funny?  Where is the baby during all of this?  (Hint:  not under the haystack, also not fast asleep.)

Here's a bit of the logistical side of things, with more to follow.  I don't use a packaged curriculum.  I like parts of the book The Well-Trained Mind and I use their approach to history and literature.  The authors divide history into four chronological periods; using their plan you complete three four-year cycles, looking more deeply into the material with each one.  We started with the ancients in the fall of 2002; we just arrived in the 20th century last month

Each week or two I sit down with my materials and my spreadsheet software, making a plan for the next week or two.  (I have used less structured approaches in the past, but this is my first year with two students and I have to say I was really unhappy with our foray into unschooling last year.  Ergo, more structure.  So far it's working a lot better for all of us.)

Someone left me a comment which I can't find at the moment (sorry, Someone!), about wanting to homeschool but having a husband who disagrees.  My husband disagreed for a long time and now he is 100% behind homeschooling, so there's hope.  Unity is critical, I think -- I simply could not do it if he weren't on board.  I need help with the kids during my planning time; I need to be able to vent about a bad day without worrying that he will say, "Obviously, they should be in school."

I think it was Rachel who asked about what happens with the little kids while the three of us are working on school.  They are usually right in the middle of things with us.  One of the distinctive things about homeschooling is its organicity.  This is our life -- we learn together, we eat together, we fold laundry together, we read together, we fish Legos out of the baby's mouth together, we learn some more things together. 

Sometimes it's a bad thing:  if somebody wakes up on the wrong side of the bed, you'll be dealing with it all day long.  But often it's a really good thing.  One night I was tucking in my oldest son and he asked me a question about the imperative mood in Latin.  I answered his question and BING! I saw the line jump from dot A to dot B.  He understood, suddenly.  Or on Immaculate Conception -- we read Rev. 12 right before we went to noon Mass at the Newman Center.  At the end of Mass we turned around and I said, "Look, boys, look! The woman clothed with the sun!"  I hadn't remembered the enormous image of Our Lady of Guadalupe painted over the chapel doors.

So what do we do with the little guys?  We flow, mostly.  We've set up our schedule, about which more below, to accommodate a 3yo who needs attention.  I do a lot of reading aloud with a baby on my hip.  Sometimes we take a ten-minute break to get a fussy Pete down for a nap.  Sometimes I smack my forehead in frustration when he wakes up fifteen minutes later.  But in between we learn a lot, not only about WWI and German pronouns, but about doing unto the least of these, and about being patient with each other.

It works best for me to have a schedule, and it works best for me to plan on 15-minute lessons.  I'm running out of minutes, so I'm just going to type in our Monday-Thursday schedule here:

9:00 writing for Alex, reading for Marty
9:15 Latin/German (each one gets two days per week)
9:30 history/science (ditto)
9:45 Alex learns more about our history or science topic on his own, using library or internet resources, and I read a picture book to the middle boys
10:00 Bible
10:15 art/music

At 10:30 we take a 30-minute break.

11:00 memory work
11:15 math

That's it for the morning.  After lunch I read aloud to everybody.  Twice a week we work on geography; twice a week Alex is supposed to work on a writing assignment.

I could make this a huge post because there's lots more to say, but I'll stop here for tonight because my bed is calling loudly.  Questions?  Comments?  I'll try to get back to you soon.

Comments

[Sandy]

Oh, Jamie, please, please, please keep these coming. My 5 kids are aged 11 to 1 and we've been unschooling, with the two oldest boys being late readers. The 11 yr old now reads on grade level and the 9 yr old is picking it up like a rolling snowball (sort of).

We are all itching for more structure and "real accomplishments" or learning or whatever. And I am pretty clueless as to how to go about it.

At the root is my intense laziness. (A Mother's Rule of Life is in the mail to me...thanks!) The other problem is that I'm not really sure how to schedule it all. And then the baby is sick and the girls are fighting (or worse...playing nicely by trying on EVERY PIECE of clothing that they own) and, and, and.

So, please write away on your homeschooling days. There is a lot in my life that needs changing right now and I need a practical guide. You're hired, even if you don't want the job.

Some questions: How do you keep the kids on topic? Mine are forever going off on tangents. On the one hand, the tangents can be very educational, but on the other, they can be very frustrating!

What about reading aloud? How many interruptions are ok? Someone always seems to have to use the toilet a couple of pages in and they want me to "pause" the story (can you tell we also watch too much tv?).

Do your kids watch any tv?

Do you already know much of the history you teach? I think I pretty much only know about the American Revolution. My husband is the font of information and the kids ask me questions and I say, "Oh, we'll have to look that up" and then we never get around to it.

Ok, I thinkthat's enough for now. THese posts are supposed to be helping you through homeschooling.

As for the parental approval, I don't have much problem because we live thousands of miles away. Mom's all for homeschooling but she thinks I'm an absolute whack for not doing "sit down schooling". Sometimes I agree!

Ok...now that's really enough. Thanks, and please keep 'em coming!!

[Sarah V.]

I'd love to read anything you write on the subject. I'd be particularly interested to hear about your experience of unschooling and the ways in which it didn't work out. (I have no experience whatsoever in this area - just intrigued because I read articles from people saying how wonderful it is, and it would be interesting to hear the other side of the story.)

[Ariella]

Hi Jamie,

I'm the person who wrote about my husband being very hostile to the idea of homeschooling. I'm glad to hear that you and your husband overcame that particular hostility, but I don't think it's going to happen with mine.

Specifically, he says that kids who are homeschooled will be unpopular in regular school when we sent them there (I would probably send them to high school, public or private), and that they'll be unable to cope with the way kids interact because they've never been exposed to it.

I say that as long as they have friends outside the family and participate in extracurriculars and watch how our family interacts, they will probably be more sensitive, caring and nurturing than those dorks who go to regular school (I, too, had a terrible school experience and don't want to subject my kids to it).

All in all, it's very frustrating because I am willing to sacrifice my career for their learning and he's saying that it's not good enough. Hmph.

[parodie]

I don't have much to contribute to the homeschooling discussion other than to say that I find your post fascinating and hope you post more - but parents and their approval/issues is something I can appreciate! I have been know to not tell my parents about large decisions I am considering (jobs, etc) because I find that if they express disapproval I find it difficult to follow my own path. That parental guilt is so heavy...

[Ally]

A couple of things. First, it took a year of pretty intensive therapy for me to put some parental issues to bed, so I guess we've flunked emotional kindergarten together. Now that I'm past most of it, I'm amazed at how horribly sad, no, that's not a strong enough word. At how distraught I could get at the thought of spending the day with my family or of broaching certain topics.* Even though I love (most) of them very much.

And I was once like your parents wrt the topic of homeschooling, but your blog and other online discussions have changed my mind completely and if I were fortunate enough to be able to stay home with my kid, I'd seriously consider it. It's an impressive undertaking you're doing, you should be proud.

*Interestingly enough, once I got through therapy, I didn't have to talk over certain things with the parents. I was able to get past it on my own and I think it was the better, if not easier way. There's a reason why we put those conversations off, and cowardice on our part isn't the only one. Usually the inability to communicate goes both ways - the parents themselves bear a lot of the blame.

[Arwen]

Ariella, I know that anecdotal exceptions will probably not change your husband's mind, but when I read your comment about him thinking homeschooled kids will be unpopular in high school and immediately thought of two of the only people I know who made the transition from homeschooling to high school. One of them became homecoming queen, the other became president of his class. So clearly unpopularity is not a given there.

Of course, you also have the question of whether popularity in high school is actually a desirable thing. I come from a fairly small town and at five years out of high school, I'm observing that a lot of the kids who were popular aren't doing so well now. Not sure why that is, but it definitely is.

As far as the parent thing goes, Jamie, I can't complain about my own because they're great. But my husband's parents don't seem to have grasped the fact that we're grown up now, and their constant advice (from big things all the way down to "you should really wear a hat") is hard to handle sometimes. We're planning on homeschooling but I haven't even dropped the word in their presence yet. I'm dreading that conversation.

I think it sounds like your kids are getting a stellar education! I like that you get the bulk of lessons done in the morning. When I was in public school it frustrated me that we wasted so much time; it always seemed to me that we could have learned the same amount of stuff in half the time. Your boys are very lucky to have you teaching them.

[CityMom]

This is great, keep them coming! I have quoted part of this essay on my blog today.

[Rosie_Kate]

I like your daily schedule! I'm just wondering when *you* find time to make lessons plans, collect resources, etc.

I have found that it's very difficult for me to defend some of my radical parenting choices, like infant potty training and delaying solid food and my ideas about discipline. I just end up not telling anyone. I haven't gotten to the homeschooling part, yet. But I will soon enough, and I hope that by then I'll have developed some gumption.

You really are doing the best thing for your kids and your family! Be thankful that God has given you the opportunity and stamina and try not to hide it under a bushel basket! :-)

[Linda]

My sister - she of the 4 kids - homeschools and loves it. She's very creative and organized and her kids are thriving (ages 5-12). It gives me something to contribute when I hear people saying negative things about homeschooled kids. Her kids really are a joy and delightful to have around. They spend a lot of time with their co-op (other homeschooling families) and are very well-socialized.

That said, I have no interest in homeschooling. Do you dislike regular (for lack of a better word) schools in general or specifically the schools in your area? I really enjoyed school while I was growing up. I wasn't a huge fan of the social aspect in high school, but I always loved classes and learning. Because of that experience, I assume that my kids will have a great (probably public) education as well. Maybe I'm being naive? I think if my husband stayed home full-time he would be a great homeschooler. Too bad his job isn't that flexible.

Enough babbling. Your homeschooling posts are very interesting.

[Karen]

Questions, I have questions! I'm interested in your home-schooling process and appreciate that you've put more meat in your posts on this topic. On the issue of parents who make you crazy, you're on the right path. One thing maturity has taught me is that I can't change my parents and they have their own baggage and I can just leave the comments I don't like and take the ones I do (not so many it turns out). I'm sure my daughters will have plenty to complain about when they grow up, but hopefully my failures will not be the same as my parents'!

Anyhoo...why 15 minute lessons? Is this an understanding of your sons' attention spans? Is the older boy capable or interested in going longer in some subjects?

What do you do about topics where you are weak? Have you brought in any outside lessons in music or art? Or math?

[Sara]

I was homeschooled as a child (oldest of four, and my mom ran a daycare in the house too). Learning to learn with younger kids around was great prep for going to grad school with kids of my own to take care of! I loved being homeschooled, and I'm going to homeschool my kids too. I don't think I've been consigned to a life of freakdom - anymore than anyone is who has learned that it's okay to think for themselves! Keep it up, in whatever form or method you choose to use. We did everything from canned curriculums or correspondence courses to unschooling, and I don't think the method was the most important thing. The one-on-one nature of it and the responsibility for myself that I learned carried across all methods.

[AmyinMotown]

My biggest question, and you probably get this so often you have a stock response to it, is "what do you do about socialization?" I know in my area there are homeschooling groups --one puts on a Shakespeare play every year -- but you haven't mentioned going to one of those. If you don't think that's all that important, why not? and when does it become more so?
How do you compensate for them not learning math? Admittedly I have never used more than basic addition, subtraction, multiplication and division in my grownup life, but what if one of your boys is a born physicist or engineer or something? How will you find what he needs to let that talent flower? Will you add it in later?

You are clearly well-read and well-educated--do you think that's necessary to successful homeschooling?

Why German and Latin? And can I come to Latin lessons?

I am unlikely to homeschool myself but know that it is likely we'll want to supplement whatever formal school experiences she has, because I think some degree of educating your child is what good parents do. So I am interested in how parents who go full-bore homeschooling do it.

[Kris]

Thanks so much for this. So many times I wanted to ask you for your schedule. I dream of home schooling or at least some variation of it, and this helps me visualize it with multiple kids.

[Lisa C.]

While I understand that you're touchy on the subject of homeschooling, it seems to me that you are doing a fantastic job. I love reading about your homeschooling days, so keep it up.

As I have said before, I harbor a secret dream to educate my son at home. I am still trying to work out exactly how I am going t accomplish that... but I'm sure I'll either figure it out or learn to be happy with educating him outside his normal school hours.

As for your parents' reservations - they are just coming at this from a mainstream way of thinking. It's like when I talk about cosleeping to people who are staunchly against it - first their eyes glaze over, then they start to get a little mad, then they shut me down with negative comments. Then I shut up, because I'm not trying to sway them. I'm certainly not saying that everyone should do as I do, but I am comfortable with my choices so I don't feel attacked when people talk to me about their reservations about whatever.

[AmyinMotown]

I should add, I very much admire the effort you put into homeschooling. I notice you seem to take a very classical approach--is that what made you want to do it? It seems like it takes such devotion and preparation to homeschool.

[bunny]

Maybe this would be helpful...I homeschooled my children for four years, then put them back in school when the oldest was in 9th grade. They all did just fine. My son is now a cadet at the Air Force Academy, and his roommate is a former homeschooler.
I'd say his education was adequate!

[JaneC]

I'm a student at a Catholic university. I was (but am no longer) astonished I discovered one after another of the most articulate, well-read, mature, well-adjusted, all-around coolest people I've met at school were homeschooled for part or all of their pre-college education. I know probably seven or eight people who were home-schooled, and none of them are awkward or unsocial.

And yes, I have issues with my parents. They keep going back and forth between asking why my boyfriend hasn't figured out what he wants to do as a job yet (he's only 20!), and reminding us that it's ok, they didn't know at age 20 what they wanted to do either. Drives me crazy.

[Amie]

I would love to hear more about homeschooling! I wonder how many more redheaded, homeschooling, mother of 4 boys there are?

[Carrie]

Just wanted to say -- keep up the good work with the schooling! It sounds like things are going good, and that is a fabulous schedule.

I was homeschooled from 2nd grade, until the day I graduated (and I have a PA. homeschooler's dimplma to prove it!). I don't feel jipped on any social or academic issues, and I've held down jobs with ease, and have done a little college work with ease, as well.

I currently stay home with two beautiful baby boys, and that is my career. I find that the quality time I spent learning with my mother and two siblings, has helped inspire me and shape my parenting skills a lot more than I knew it would. It just seems natural to be sitting down with my two year old, teaching him things -- because that is what we always did.

We never had long, drawn out days of school, like I know some people do. We pretty much went till noon most days (except my brother... as he got older, he would sit and stare at the walls for forever, just to avoid his work. My poor mom!), and we have all turned out just as,if not more, educated than our peers.

My mother was a homeschooling vetran in the community-- as she started doing it long before it was popular, and I've seen a lot of ppl over the years do it the wrong way, which usually just means they are doing it for the wrong reasons, and their hearts are just not in it. They are the ones who give homeschoolers the bad stigma. But for every one of those, there are is at least one more homeschoolin' Momma who breathes the passion of edcuating her children. And I think as those children grow up and attend colleges (Harvard,or not ;) ), hold down jobs, and become all around good and valuable citizens of the community, it will get easier and easier for people to understand why we are doing it, and what the product of homeschooling can be.

Thank you for being one of the people to pave the way, so that it will be easier, for ppl like me, to teach my children the same way.

[krista]

Hope you don't mind I linked to you in a post because I have gotten so much out of reading what you've written on homeschooling. I hope you'll keep posting on the subject... it's very encouraging and helpful.

Thanks!