Did you see Erin's post on the Akron U-turn? When I first read the title, I thought it must be a fancy engineering term, but it's really about being tricked by your own body into indulging bad habits.
This is the story of my life lately. I am circling in an endless loop, from Wilkes-Barre to Toledo. I can't quite decide how much effort to put into getting into Indiana, and so I keep finding myself eastbound on I-80 again.
In the spring of 2005 my son Pete was born. I gained 40 pounds during that pregnancy, more than I'd ever gained before, and I turned 35 in the summer. After my first three boys were born, the pregnancy weight pretty much vanished on its own. (OW. Ow ow ow PLEASE stop throwing things at me through the monitor. I have had my comeuppance already, okay?) I was aghast to be 20 pounds overweight when Pete was a month old.
It took me three months of diligence to get that weight off, and it appears that my days of effortlessly staying at "my weight" are gone. About half of that 20 pounds seems to think I might miss it if it stayed away. (Note to the fat cells: wrong!)
Here is the thing: I am a little stuck on the question of whether I really want to keep moving west. Is it vanity? Is it worthwhile? Should I just give away those pants that have been sitting unworn in my bottom drawer for five years? Should I muster my limited reserves of willpower and just DO IT already? (Again?) I don't think I need to go all the way to California, but I'd really rather be in Des Moines than in Akron.
(The ambivalence is compounded by a discovery I have recently made: I believe the corpus luteum must be made of chocolate, because for much of its existence it calls loudly to be fortified with same. I can eat my vegetables faithfully for a while, and then I am thrown off course by the wails of "Feeeeeeed meeeeeeeee. Not chaaaaaaaaaaard, chooooooooooooocolate!" What's a person to do but head back to Pennsylvania one more time?)
SIGH. This is kind of a stupid post, and I am worried that you are all going to roll your eyes at me, one vast collective eye roll, for public angst about ten pounds. But I have been posting less lately for a goofy reason: a friend of mine from college said such amazingly nice things about my blog that I got a little worried about it. If I posted about my disappearing eyebrows or my silly dream or my new knitting project, I would make it all too clear that I am not Ann Voskamp. But the reality is that I am not Ann Voskamp, so I am putting up a fluffy post on purpose in order to get over myself. Go read Erin's un-fluffy post and tell me if it rings as true for you as it did for me. Tomorrow, more fluff: recent knitting, with pictures.
PS I have also been quiet because I am having some Career Angst. Perhaps I'll post about that soon. It might be good for me.