I will never wear a full-skirted dress with a giant Santa Claus on it. I would sooner go out wearing a frock fashioned from aluminum foil. That site also suggests that I might like a "Christmas elk" dress. I am more likely to shoot a Christmas elk. (N.B. I have never been hunting.)
Over in my sidebar there are matching family pajamas: red and white striped bottoms, with tops that say "Believe!" The I in "Believe!" is a Christmas tree. I see them and I die a little inside. My family would like some nice matching pajamas that say "Take down that stinking Christmas tree -- it's not even Advent." Or perhaps "It's only the middle of November. Go contemplate your eventual death some more." I am sure those will be a hit.
Recently the sidebar ads have been trying to sell me plus-size dresses made of monarch butterfly print. I'm not talking about a scattering of tiny dainty butterflies; this is a monarch wing that stretches from waist to ankle like the butterfly version of Mothra. Is there really a market segment yearning to dress like Butterflyra, fount of nightmares? There must be, I suppose, but I am not that segment. (And also-- I guess this whole Rhapsody in Lepidoptera failure should tell me that you're not paying much attention to my browsing history, but here's a tip from me to you: if you tell women to buy larger sizes than they actually need, you will induce a state of low-grade irritation that makes impulsive internet purchases less likely.)
Oh! I just clicked refresh and the very next ad was for a capelet -- a wine-colored asymmetric capelet trimmed with fake fur. I scratch my head at this. Earlier this fall I was lured in by some sidebar ads. I blogged about the Brave dress; I also bought a clearance green and white dress from Boden ($24! free shipping!) and a sage green sweater dress from Buykud. Whoever was writing the algorithm in October was knocking it out of the park. Was that you, November coders? Did you say to yourselves, "Green dresses are too easy. I bet we can persuade Jamie Gladly to dress like the bag lady version of Maleficent!" Hard pass from me on the bag-lady Maleficent look. I'd prefer aluminum foil outerwear.
I keep refreshing, mystery coders, and new horrors continue to unfold. I am astonished by the array of Santa clothing available to grown women. I suppose it's an improvement over the summer ads, when you were trying to sell me incontinence products. No more of those, please, November coders; my bladder and I are fine. My wardrobe and I are also fine.
If this keeps up, though, I might need some more aluminum foil.