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March 12, 2015

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Are you sure you don't have a book in you after all? Because what you write not only makes sense, it also inspires me to be a better parent. I want to print these posts and keep them by my bedside so I can review them before I go to bed.

Thank you for this series. And thank you for talking about your NOPE kids. My older son is NOPE NOPE NOPE. I know exactly what you mean about the toddler on the chair tipping himself over. I have that kid. And I know the feeling of "but everyone SAYS this is what works". Not with this kid. NOPE. He's 8.5 now and we're finally getting to where it's not a constant struggle. I'm learning a lot from what you're writing.

It's hard, especially with the NOPE kid -- other people DO seem to expect that you will tell your child to pipe down in church and s/he will immediately obey. They don't. They won't. But you're being judged so there's an added layer of stress. I like the idea of letting them collect themselves. I sure need to; why wouldn't they?

I put my oldest in timeout more times than I would care to remember. She would refuse to stay there and I would have to physically hold her in place. It was nuts. Every timeout was a battle of the wills, which supposedly a timeout was supposed to circumvent. We do a lot less of that now. Now I like sending them away until they decide they can control themselves. Sometimes they deem themselves in control before the fact and have to go away again.

One thing I struggle with is reconciling why my kids will snap-to for any authority except their parents. I have heard the argument this is a good sign that they feel the most comfortable with us, but it doesn't make me feel any better when other kids immediately go home when called while I have to go and drag my kids home from other places. But their teachers love them and think they are perfect. (Really I had a teacher say that once.) Why don't they listen to me the way they listen to them?

Jenny, part of why kids test limits with their parents is because they know their parents love them. Your kids know that you will still love them no matter what, so it is with you that they feel safe enough to push and poke and prod until you want to tear your hair out and ship them off to boarding school.

This is amazing! I don't have kid, but I do have about 15 nieces and nephews. I am going to share this series with every one of my sisters! Some of them do many things like you describe, and some of them might appreciate the suggestions in here. As for me, I think I'm gonna bookmark this for if I ever have my own kids. :)

I follow your blog in a feed reader, but this post is the first in the "Croissant" series that I read. It grabbed my attention and convinced me to read through the whole thing, because wow do I need to read this right now. I have four children (all boys!), ages 7, 4, 2, and 3 months. Of those, my eldest is definitely a NOPE kid, and the 2 year old is so very 2 years old it's hard to tell if he's a NOPE kid or just a 2 year old. I feel like I spent the first six years of my oldest son's life trying to coerce him, and we both suffered as a result.

I wish I could have had a friend to tell me the things you're laying out here at the time. It's so hard to step back and not to try to force compliance when everyone is looking at you disapprovingly because your five year old is throwing a tantrum (again!). Even when I knew forcing the issue wouldn't help, I felt like I need to do SOMETHING. I especially appreciate what you said about everyone making better choices when they have a minute to collect themselves. Thank you for what you've said!

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