So it turns out that the preschool teachers got burned last year. A mother brought her child to school on a chilly day without a jacket, which the teachers took to mean that she didn't think a jacket was needed. Jacketless, the child went outside to play. The mother went ballistic when she found out.
This is our fourth year at this preschool (Joe went there before Pete was old enough) and I have been so pleased with it. The director has five children; she's pretty much unflappable. She loves God and she loves kids and she sets a great tone for the teachers. That's part of why I was surprised by the conversation I had with Pete's teacher on Tuesday -- she's not usually autocratic like that. I wondered if something else was going on.
Pete and I sat down with Miss Barb for a chat this morning when I dropped him off. I had told him that he always needed to listen respectfully to his teachers, and that usually he had to obey them. I had told him that sometimes he might say, "Could we negotiate?" if he and a teacher had a difference of opinion -- that maybe he could have offered to carry the jacket outside and lay it on the bench in case he got cold. (With this nauseating Roman Polanski story in the news, I will not suggest to my children that they owe unswerving obedience to any adult. Not that saying no did that poor girl much good.)
Miss Barb was fine with "Could we negotiate?" and very sympathetic to my point of view; she just didn't want to be in the line of fire if another mother had a cow. I assured her there was no cow-bearing in the offing. Pete wore a sweatshirt today of his own volition. I think we're good.
P.S. This was Pete-specific advice, because he is a really cooperative kid most of the time. It's unusual for him to disagree with a teacher like that. I have two children who do not need any encouragement whatsoever to negotiate, and I would have tackled it differently with them.
Posted by: Jamie | October 01, 2009 at 09:55 AM
See, I wondered if this might have been the case. I would have bet money that the teacher had gotten into trouble in the past, rightly or wrongly, for letting kids play outside on a chilly day with no coat.
CYA-type actions are annoying, but I have sympathy for people who feel they MUST CTA.
Posted by: bearing | October 01, 2009 at 02:30 PM
we have the same policy, from a way back from an old askmoxie post- we tell our kid(s) that they don't have to kiss/hug/whatever anyone they don't want to- i often suggest if they'd like to hi-5 that would be ok- because we really want them to feel that their body is their own! and adults don't get to tell them what to do with it! (except mom/dad/dr, if appropriate).
sounds like you all handled it well, which is good.
Posted by: pnuts mama | October 03, 2009 at 12:58 PM