Change

Dear AL,

So far so good. I am sticking with the plan not to play on the computer unless the kitchen is clean, and it's working well. One of the unfortunate things I have learned about myself, though, is that I am great at Plans to Reform My Whole Sad-Sack Life -- for about five days. Then they make me tired, and I decide that my whole sad-sack life was not actually that bad. This is day four, so please keep praying for me. Temperance and fortitude, fortitude and temperance. It's too bad heroic virtue has to be, you know, heroic.

One of my self-defeating tendencies is that I try to change everything all at once and then give up in disgust. But that book I was talking about at your house [Yes, Your Teen Is Crazy, about which more soon] got me thinking. We are wired so that change is hard, the author says. In fact, that's one of the hallmarks of mental illness -- frequent sudden changes to the self. See, I am not just slothful: I am sane (and also slothful).

This summer I've been thinking a lot about gardening as a metaphor for the Christian life. I have this tendency to break out my metaphorical hedge clippers and whack the weeds down to their bases, instead of taking the time to go along the beds, one step at a time, and pull the roots out. The first approach leaves things looking great, for about three days. Then the weeds grow back from the roots that I left lurking there and they take over the joint again.

So I am working on small but manageable habits. In the morning, the routine tasks need to be done before I touch the computer: bed made, laundry in the washer, clean dishes put away*, bathrooms wiped down*, dinner planned, Office of Readings finished and rosary begun. (*The boys do parts of these tasks, but I need to make sure they're done.)

Also, I have changed my home page to http://www.online-stopwatch.com. It is showing me that I have been sitting here for longer than I realized, so off I go...

Comments

[Amy F]

I really like your Clean Kitchen before Internet plan -- I've kept up with the dishes more in the last few days than I had all summer. I don't always remember, but I remember often enough to keep on top of them.

[Betty]

I need to follow your example. Sticking to that gardening analogy, I think I've grafted myself to a new vine--this darn computer--and I find myself gravitating towards it whenever I need energy, or whenever I want to avoid expending energy.