Stressball

I have been over-the-top anxious lately, but in a weird way. I am not stressed about the work that's actually in front of me, but about the future. I am confident about getting a draft of chapter two to my advisor by the end of the month, but I am worried about getting the revisions finished by December. (No! Ack! Late November, to give my committee two weeks to read the document before my preliminary exam.) I am worried about getting five children to adulthood intact, but not about anything that's a problem at the moment. I am worried about world financial collapse, worried about Christmas, worried about how I will fulfill the terms of my fellowship next summer -- just constantly jittery about things that are in the future. Or things that might not even be in the future.

Anxiety is a chronic issue for me. Sometimes it's better than others; right now it's worse. I am going to wean myself off caffeine (a little today, less tomorrow, none on Thursday) and try to spend some time walking in the sunshine today. I think I may resubscribe to FlyLady so things are more orderly around here (it just occurred to me that I could filter all the testimonials right to trash). I might up my fish oil a little, because baby is working hard to build a brain right now and maybe there aren't enough EFAs to go around with my current intake. Maybe.

One of my favorite things about the Proverbs 31 woman is that she laughs at the future. I might stick that up on the wall over the computer, as a reminder. In this exact state of mind, actually, that might feel more like a rebuke than an encouragement. Maybe I'll get to that in a few days.

Comments

[Lilian]

Oh dear, if I were you, I'd be mightily anxious too! Isn't it so hard to have faith and to know that the Lord will provide and that everything will be fine, but still worry? I can't help it either :-(

I hope that you may not feel so stressed out soon. Although I know it'll be hard not to.

I'll be thinking of you and praying that you feel less anxious.

[Tracy]

Proverb 31 woman laughs at the future? I think I need to reread that. Just another reason why I am not quite Proverb 31 woman.

I'll be praying for you! I am not one to talk since I am quite stressed and struggle with my response to it as well. But I'll be praying.

[gina]

Totally understand how you feel...
I struggle with anxious feelings everyday...
It helps for me to be positive, and grateful for what I do have and what is going right...
Thinking of you today...

[Erin]

I have moments when I'm sure I'll be completely knocked down by the force of my anxiety for my children. In those moments I hope I never have another one, because I just don't think I could take the worry over one more baby! But then it passes. I'm sure this will pass (and then come back). It probably has to do with the fact that you're unable to run!

[Sarah in Ottawa]

I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I, too, suffer from anxiety so I can sympathize.

Just know that many people are thinking of any praying for you, and that your ability to persevere and juggle (despite very natural struggles) is an inspiration to many.